When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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