I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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