I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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