yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
