hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
