I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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