I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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