I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
