Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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