one word: firstdatebathroomanal
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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