We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
