Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
