ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one