Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants