I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.