Texts From Last Night

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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.

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  (610): If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups. http://tfl.nu/xgvv
  Replies (42) Good night (5497) Bad night (926)
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?

  (1-479): View more from Arkansas

  what?

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  your penis

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  (479): hey, can i borrow that thing you never use? (1-479): what? (479): your penis http://tfl.nu/2nga
  Replies (11) Good night (1624) Bad night (3955)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.

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  (513): theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me. http://tfl.nu/ioo3
  Replies (26) Good night (5010) Bad night (723)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer

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  (310): I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer http://tfl.nu/kzvv
  Replies (8) Good night (4571) Bad night (782)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?

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  (516): any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club? http://tfl.nu/452g
  Replies (15) Good night (4624) Bad night (949)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?

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  (503): do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out? http://tfl.nu/q9ps
  Replies (37) Good night (8914) Bad night (3232)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?

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  (703): just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately? http://tfl.nu/eqo5
  Replies (6) Good night (2375) Bad night (1466)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.

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  (847): you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after. http://tfl.nu/68kq
  Replies (10) Good night (1370) Bad night (4934)
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.

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  (306): My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday. http://tfl.nu/tgen
  Replies (2) Good night (2185) Bad night (2184)
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.

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  (602): You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up. http://tfl.nu/1td0
  Replies (4) Good night (2059) Bad night (1420)
• Favorite

  (228): View more from Mississippi

  He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"

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  (228): He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good" http://tfl.nu/hwu1
  Replies (33) Good night (6931) Bad night (1300)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni

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  (330): our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni http://tfl.nu/9cx8
  Replies (6) Good night (545) Bad night (378)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.

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  (612): My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly. http://tfl.nu/orbs
  Replies (0) Good night (442) Bad night (296)
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups

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  (740): But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups http://tfl.nu/xtwg
  Replies (1) Good night (455) Bad night (192)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Well I'm in a stranger's bed.

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Gotta leave to watch the Lions

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  (248): Well I'm in a stranger's bed. (248): Gotta leave to watch the Lions http://tfl.nu/toks
  Replies (1) Good night (418) Bad night (217)

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