i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby