it was like his penis was on wheels.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Randomize
