Texts From Last Night

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  (313): View more from Michigan

  That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it

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  (313): That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it http://tfl.nu/c5zl
  Replies (2) Good night (759) Bad night (993)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best

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  (785): I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best http://tfl.nu/ugel
  Replies (13) Good night (811) Bad night (2150)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.

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  (208): I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome. http://tfl.nu/laeb
  Replies (21) Good night (7996) Bad night (644)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.

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  (614): how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity. http://tfl.nu/zm0j
  Replies (19) Good night (4707) Bad night (1579)
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner

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  (905): It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner http://tfl.nu/bz5d
  Replies (11) Good night (4967) Bad night (1810)
• Favorite

  (936): View more from Texas

  the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"

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  (936): the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?" http://tfl.nu/8dlf
  Replies (11) Good night (4813) Bad night (1131)
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.

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  (540): i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective. http://tfl.nu/c9ng
  Replies (3) Good night (3831) Bad night (836)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you

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  (973): I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you http://tfl.nu/07bs
  Replies (21) Good night (6632) Bad night (1372)
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday

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  (989): Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday http://tfl.nu/e2qw
  Replies (3) Good night (1355) Bad night (625)
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  (229): View more from Georgia

  Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad

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  (229): Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad http://tfl.nu/2cin
  Replies (3) Good night (1099) Bad night (785)
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned

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  (210): He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned http://tfl.nu/rsut
  Replies (13) Good night (1779) Bad night (775)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am

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  (281): You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am http://tfl.nu/8gbq
  Replies (2) Good night (887) Bad night (882)
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much

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  (309): Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much http://tfl.nu/b8oh
  Replies (1) Good night (276) Bad night (643)
• Favorite

  (473): View more from Grenada-Carib

  She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!

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  (473): She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?! http://tfl.nu/amuq
  Replies (5) Good night (532) Bad night (381)
• Favorite

  (343): View more from Ontario

  You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.

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  (343): You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER. http://tfl.nu/dnn5
  Replies (12) Good night (2207) Bad night (281)

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