I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Can you bring me the toilet please
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.