So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
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You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom