in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
