U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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