I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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