You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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