I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
