Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
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Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
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I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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