Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
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