remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
