I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
