Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I could make wine with my vomit
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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