My hand turned me down
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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