there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
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