Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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