I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
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