Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
