She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
that is very illegal...i love you.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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