On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize