she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
