Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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