apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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