Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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