When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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