I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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