Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
