Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
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I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
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If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
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