I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
