That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
