God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
