The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
