i jhust puked up my retainher.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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