I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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