Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
