remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
