i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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