Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
