Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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