Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
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and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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