Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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