I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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