it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
