So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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