so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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