I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
