Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
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I can feel the alcohol in my calves
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
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Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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