I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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