I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
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