She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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