ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I think I have vodka in my lungs
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
