When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Is it because I queefed?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
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