If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
