When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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