whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
