I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
